You really have to see the bodycam video.
But if you don't get that chance, take our word for it: the Connecticut State Police trooper did the right thing.
During what probably initially seemed like a routine check on a motorist who was pulled over on Interstate 84 with his hazard lights on, Trooper Kyle Kaelberer behaved in a way that was anything but routine.
After approaching the vehicle, Kaelberer addressed the male driver in a respectful manner -- immediately asking him what was going on, but addressing the driver as "boss," according to the video the state police released.
What Kaelberer heard next had to have been unexpected. The male driver told Kaelberer that he was on the phone with a VA hotline for suicide.
Kaelberer didn't miss a beat.
"All right, hey, I got you man, all right," the trooper said, an immediate offer of reassurance.
And while we have to believe all state troopers get training for such situations, what came next from Kaelberer seemed to come naturally and conversationally and as a way to connect with a stranger.
"What branch you in," Kaelberer asked the man.
"Army," the man says.
Kaelberer continued to reassure the veteran throughout, offering his first name, asking about any deployments, and telling the man he would be helped and "I'm here with you man."
When Kaelberer told the veteran that he would call an ambulance and the man said he could not afford it, the trooper rightfully reassured him that the state would cover the cost.
Even more humanity was shown when the man got out of his vehicle and asked Kaelberer for a hug. Kaelberer gave him one.
We can't be sure what happened to the veteran after that, though state police said he was able to receive medical assistance and we very sincerely hope he got all the help he needed.
But we do know this: veteran deaths by suicide are "increasing at a greater rate than that of the general U.S. population," according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
The CDC reports that, from 2001 to 2019, "the rate of suicide among veterans increased nearly 36% relative to an increase of 30% in the general population."
After 2019, however, there was a drop in veteran suicide deaths, with 6,146 in 2020, or 343 fewer than in 2019, according to the 2022 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report released this week. In Connecticut, 40 veterans lost their lives to suicide in 2020, according to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.
None of those deaths can be thought of as statistics, but as fellow Americans. Each veteran served this country, each had loved ones and each faced demons that others may not have known about.
The Department of Veterans Affairs says that "veteran suicide prevention is VA's highest clinical priority."
Significantly, the agency also notes "we can't do it alone. Suicide is preventable and everyone has a role to play in saving lives," and notes there are ways to support veterans.
"You don't need special training and you don't have to be an expert to help the veterans you care about," the agency says.
That's what Kaelberer showed us. The trooper may have expertise in dealing with people in mental distress, but what he also demonstrated was as important in those moments: the ability to connect with another person without judgment, acknowledging the pain the person was in and to show caring even as he professionally took care of what he needed to do.
"We'll help you out, all right, bud?" Kaelberer to the veteran, "I'm here with you. I'm here with you, all right?"
In reaching out to share what occurred, the state police did the same: issuing a reminder to call 988 for immediate help in case where a person or someone they know is contemplating suicide. The VA notes that veterans who call 988, can then press "1″ and they will reach the Veterans Crisis Line.
"We encourage (people contemplating suicide) to call 988, call 911 if it's immediate, and we'll respond," Sgt. Christine Jeltema told The Courant. "988 will respond as well to them and get them the help that they need."
And if you need help when on the road, Jeltema noted, put your hazard lights on, as troopers are trained to check on motorists with active hazards even when off-duty.
The Department of Veterans Affairs said they can't do it alone. What Kaelberer showed us is that they are not alone.
-- Hartford Courant, Sept. 21