By Caleb Baumgardner
I won't see you until next year, so, with that in mind, here are some predictions for how next year will go:
1. The Murphy Arts District will host the first ever "MAD Winter Luau" some time before the middle of March to commemorate the unseasonably warm weather. Lil Jon and Toby Keith will perform and Kid Rock will headline.
2. Rumors will sweep town that we're getting another chicken joint somewhere on North West Avenue, but it will turn out that we're getting a Waffle House.
3. Another Wendy's will open across the street from the current Wendy's, which is down the street from the old Wendy's.
4. The biggest event of the summer will be a town meeting where people voice their concerns about children putting up lemonade stands in neighborhoods. It will be brought up at the meeting that the proprietors of these lemonade stands have not, in fact, complied with all city licensing requirements and paid the proper fees.
5. Three Birds Brewing Company will continue to be awesome.
6. A monstrous 18-foot catfish will be discovered in the El Dorado sewer system. People will name it Clancy.
7. A paranormal investigation team will stay overnight in the Rialto Theatre. They will abandon the project in the small hours of the night, reporting bleeding walls and inhuman howls. Footage of the night's encounters will appear on YouTube. One of the investigators will emerge with their hair having turned completely white, muttering something about red eyes and whispers in the dark.
8. Those metal house trailers will surround the courthouse on the square like they do every year, but this year it will be cover for a siege of the courthouse carried out by discontented county dwellers.
9. Civilization will begin to unravel sometime in early fall.
10. A local entrepreneur will launch an El Dorado area dating site, which will fail spectacularly.
11. The Showdown at Sunset will inexplicably conclude with a crowd of people spontaneously forming a conga line that parades down East Main, with people running out of their homes and businesses to join in as it goes along.
12. Spudnut riots.
See ya in 2022, Faithful Reader.
Caleb Baumgardner is a local attorney. He can be reached at [email protected].