Do you remember when you were pregnant with your first child? You had this strange mixture of emotions. You were excited, happy, scared, not ready and wanting the baby to be here all at once.
I had a lot of expectations on how people would react to my mother to be status. I was going to be a young mom – my son was born when I was 20.
One thing that I was not prepared for was the onslaught of random people who had an opinion on how I should raise my unborn child.
I had people who wanted to know what I was naming him, where will he go to school, if I was going to force him into sports, not to mention the more personal questions like was I planning to breastfeed, will he be circumcised, and did I have a birthing plan.
As a first time mom all of this advice overwhelmed and scared me. I didn’t know the answers to most of these, all I wanted was for my son to grow up being happy and healthy.
I would spend hours looking things up online so I could be knowledgeable of the arguments for several of the things the advice-givers had brought up. Honestly, this didn’t help and scared me more than informed me, all because of ill-advised people who had no business telling me what they thought I should do.
I joined mommy and mommy-to-be Facebook groups where I saw grown women with keyboard confidence tearing into other mothers who had a difference of opinions.
I was so afraid of being attacked for my own simple questions, that instead of talking to women who were going through the same part of life that I was, I removed myself from the group.
After I had my son, the opinions kept pouring in. I was told to hold my baby like this, give him a bath at this time, start potty training at this time and so many other things that my head wanted to explode.
Some of the most aggravating part is when people would advise me to go against what the doctor told me to do.
My favorite piece of advice was putting rice cereal in his bottle at a month old because he could "stand to put on some pounds" and he would sleep better because he would be satisfied. Now my doctor told me to hold off giving cereal until they are closer to 6 months old in order to help avoid making the baby overweight.
I of course listened to my doctor, because he went to medical school and he had research to back up his claims.
Through all of the advice I had to sift through, and all the "I know more than you" mothers, I have had to deal with, I have learned one thing.
Mind your own motherhood. It is none of your business how another mother raises her child.
As long as the child is fed, clothed, clean and loved it is not your place to nitpick at the details of how their parents raise them.
If the expecting mother or new parent wanted your input on something to do with their child, they will ask you.
Personally, the only people I have listened to when it comes to raising my child are Gideon’s grandparents, the doctor, my husband and a handful of close family friends.
A person has to spend more than a couple of hours with my child for me to consider their opinion a valid one.
If we as mothers, would stop criticizing each other for our difference and supporting our own opinions, we would stop causing each other so much stress.
So what if I do things different from you?
Yes, I picked up and held my son when he was upset. I didn’t let him cry it out because it broke my heart to hear him crying for too long. I would like to think my son is a sweet child dispite being told that holding him all the time would turn him into a brat.
Yes I only breastfed for his first month. It was hard and I wasn’t able to satisfy him without supplementing, so I started giving him formula all the time.
I know that breast milk gives the baby a better immune system, but that doesn’t mean that breast is always best. A baby with a full tummy is best, however he gets it.
My son wasn’t potty trained until he was almost three, because I didn’t feel it was necessary to push the issue.
I let him take his time, and he potty trained easily because I waited until he was ready.
Long story made short, Don’t put your nose where its not wanted or belongs. Mind your own motherhood and the world would be an easier place to live.
Haley smith may be contacted by email at [email protected]. Follow her on facebook and twitter @hsmithEDNT.