“I will not claim I will solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat.”
— Pat Paulsen
I've been watching a bit of the Republican National Convention this week, mainly because a friend of mine from New Mexico is there as an alternate delegate and I was trying to spot her on TV.
Conventions are rarely places where actual news happens, and when it does break out, it's usually because someone went off script or went bananas, and in recent years, I've learned that no one does bananas quite as well as the GOP.
Donald Trump, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee, Rand Paul – even H.G. Wells or Jules Verne couldn't have made up these guys.
My favorite loon of the GOP flock is Ted Cruz, however, and he pretty much made the convention worth watching on Wednesday when he neglected to endorse Trump.
He did congratulate Trump on winning the nomination, but he never got around to endorsing Trump for president, instead calling on his fellow Republicans to vote their conscience in November.
The convention-goers were not amused.
“To those listening, please, don’t stay home in Nov-vember. If you love our country and love your children as much as I know you do, stand, and speak, and vote your conscience, vote for candidates up and down the ticket who you trust to defend our freedom and to be faithful to the Constitution,” Cruz said.
For his troubles, he was booed off stage.
The Trump campaign claimed they were not surprised. With one small exception, it was the same speech the campaign and the Republican National Committee released to the news media prior to Cruz speaking.
“Wow, Ted Cruz got booed off the stage, didn't honor the pledge!” Trump tweeted. “I saw his speech two hours early but let him speak anyway. No big deal!”
Mike Gonidakis, a John Kasich delegate and president of Ohio Right to Life, said Cruz "came across very small and petty. He is acting like a child who lost and took his ball and went home.”
Thursday morning, after the speech, Cruz was on CNN defending his non-endorsement and faced some harsh criticism when he went to speak to delegates from his home state of Texas.
“I’m not going to get into criticizing or attacking Donald Trump, but I’ll give you this response: I am not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father,” Cruz told Texas delegates.
“Neither he nor his campaign has taken back a word of what they said about my family,” Cruz said.
I personally wouldn't have voted for Cruz if he'd been running for village idiot, much less president, but I have to say I admire his sticking to his guns as well as his sticking it to the Trumpster, who is coming off more and more like a second-rate D.C. Comics villain (and saying that makes me want to apologize to D.C. Comics fans.)
Monday the Democrats will begin their Hillary Clinton pep rally, and I doubt it will be half as entertaining as the GOP convention, but it's liable to be twice as scary — Clinton faces the same problem Trump had last week in picking a VP (I mean, who really wants to be the co-captain of the Titanic?)
At the end of the week's melodrama, Clinton will have to kiss the ring of President Obama and then cut the head off a puppy with a pair of garden shears so she can ascend to the throne.
I've long contended that Hillary is basically a James Bond villain come to life, so it looks like our electoral choices for president have come down to a female version of Dr. No versus Lex Luthor.
Hooray.
I hope they suspend the laws about liquor sales on election days this November because I think everyone is going to need a stiff belt around midnight on Nov. 9.
The main takeaway I suspect everyone will get after the Democratic Convention concludes next week is that Libertarian Gary Johnson is the only hope for humanity in November.
Where's Pat Paulsen now that we really need him?
Randal Curtman is the managing editor of the El Dorado News-Times.