Category Archives: Satire Wednesday

Jail auction to follow DTF event

As plans for the Drug Task Force’s auction of items seized during drug busts in an eight-county region come together, administrations at the Union County Correctional Facility announced Wednesday their intention to host a similar auction of items confiscated during … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 1 Comment

Legislature moves all political discourse to Topix

Taking into consideration the long drive to and from Little Rock, the state’s intention to cut back where it can and the typically caustic atmosphere during floor discussions, both chambers of the state Legislature said Wednesday they would begin hosting … Continue reading

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Vial of blood to compete in November election

Unconvinced that Mitt Romney entirely embodies the principles of the Republican Party, the National Republican Committee announced Wednesday that it would push through a new contender for the 2012 presidential race — the vial of blood allegedly drawn from the … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 1 Comment

UCAPS anger causes boom at EDC

Though Tuesday’s explosion at El Dorado Chemical is still technically under investigation, information leaked to the News-Times on Wednesday indicates officials believe the blast may have been the direct result of the combustible anger still swarming around the controversial issues … Continue reading

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Petrino’s motorcycle not alone in bidding process

With the inclusion of former Razorback coach Bobby Petrino’s wrecked motorcycle for bid on copart.com, online sites nationwide have jumped at the chance to outsell the auction retailer by parceling out other items of interest from the April 1 accident … Continue reading

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Bark-upy UCAPS

Fed up with what they described as “human politics,” the animals of the Union County Animal Protection Society rose up Wednesday with a statement that they would no longer allow their affairs to be handled by “those damn two-leggeds.” In … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 3 Comments

“First the Internet, then the world!”

Thousands of New Age worshippers, Doomsday predictors and vindicated pessimists flocked to a Guatemalan summit on Wednesday where Mayan religious leaders, having uncovered new insight into the Dec. 21, 2012, end of the world, made a startling announcement. Further delving … Continue reading

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Vastly creative ideas headline Elevator Pitch Competition

His eyes on the cash prize, Billy Bob Joe Boon’s excitement was barely contained as the pen flew across the page and he muttered to himself, trying to figure out the best way to describe what he refers to as … Continue reading

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Marlins Ballpark emulates El Dorado Conference Center’s parking situation

Before Miami Marlins fans incensed by a strangled parking situation that has cars overflowing on side streets and in Burger King parking lots, team administrators released new information pertaining to the ballpark’s construction on Wednesday: Prior to breaking ground on … Continue reading

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Good News Gazette to make debut

Fed up with wars, strife, hunger, anger and general badness worldwide, Between Editions made the editorial decision on Wednesday to partner with The Good News Gazette, a weekly publication that features only wholesome, happy-hearted news. Coating the front page of … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 2 Comments

Local politician caught in coupon scheme steps down

Caught in the midst of a controversial scheme involving a fake coupon passed at the Brookshire’s on North West Avenue, a local politician stepped down Wednesday with apologies for his fraudulently attempting to purchase a package of Aunt Jemima’s Pancake … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 2 Comments

Clooney announces presidential run

Actor turned human rights activist turned political advocate George Clooney is attempting to add another cap to his already rapidly growing hat collection: President. Mirroring his recent role in “The Ides of March,” where he plays a presidential candidate in … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 1 Comment

Presidential candidates try to southern it up

Decked out in camouflage and posing with a shotgun, presidential candidate Rick Santorum tried to appeal to southern voters disenchanted with east coast front-runners by stating for the Arkansas crowd gathered for a conference Wednesday that he like grits, hunting … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 2 Comments

Trolley lands in Shreveport, passengers pleasantly surprised

A group of business leaders applauded El Dorado’s newest economic venture, the $56,000 trolley, after the inaugural trip to the El Dorado Conference Center for an annual gathering inadvertently landed them at the boats in Shreveport, La. Several of the … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 2 Comments

“Real Housewives” coming to El Dorado

El Dorado will soon dip into the treasure trove that is reality TV with the premiere of “The Real Housewives of El Dorado” in May 2013, according to a release from the El Dorado Chamber of Commerce, which has been … Continue reading

Posted in By Allison Gatlin, Satire Wednesday | 6 Comments