Vial of blood to compete in November election

Unconvinced that Mitt Romney entirely embodies the principles of the Republican Party, the National Republican Committee announced Wednesday that it would push through a new contender for the 2012 presidential race — the vial of blood allegedly drawn from the late Ronald Reagan during his hospitalization in March 1981 from a nearly fatal shooting wound.

The vial was made available for bid on PFC Auctions where its listing reached nearly $10,000 before representatives of the NRC made the winning bid at $120,500.

According to a release, the bid was made in the hopes that the former president’s blood would not only more easily compete against incumbent Barack Obama in the November general election, but that the vial of DNA would engender more trust among the American populace than the current top Republican contender.

Political pundits, however, worry that the vial may constitute a constitutional violation in the fact that it represents a president who has already served two terms. More to come as the U.S. Supreme Court examines the vial’s bid for president.

In other news, the Democratic National Committee is currently looking for potential candidates to vie against Reagan’s blood and are rumored to have reached out to the families of former presidents Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and Lyndon B. Johnson in the hopes of obtaining old hairbrushes, used Kleenexes or gym shorts containing competitive DNA.