Magic-8-Ball advises “Ask again later”

Before the United States made the executive decision to invade a Middle Eastern country and fight terrorism as part of Operation Iraqi Freedom nearly a decade ago, President George W. Bush was first told “Ask again later.”

White House sources confirmed Wednesday that prior to making any decision with the potency to change the nation, each president and members of Congress throughout history have long relied on the powers of fate.

This orthodox method of decision-making was first enacted in the late 18th century when George Washington, prior to his presidency, utilized a cootie catcher to determine which countries the United States would be involved in the French and Indian War.

According to sources, in addition to France and Great Britain, New Zealand, Antarctica, Venezuela and Italy were in the running for participation, but the spelling of P-U-R-P-L-E led Washington to first select Great Britain and then G-R-E-E-N to choose France.

Other popular decision-making venues involve fortunate cookies — which were used prior in conjunction with Kung Pao chicken when deciding to enact the Monroe Doctrine, respond to the Cuban Missile Crisis and put “Reaganomics” into play, respectively — Zoltar the Great, a coin-operated fortune-teller and, in more recent years, a Magic-8-Ball.

Often when faced with a looming and groundbreaking decision, presidents have turned to the latter expecting a more positive or negative response, only to be encountered with a middle-ground stance that left them in deeper confounds, sources said.

“You think it was easy for FDR to put together the New Deal Coalition?” one asked. “Think again. His first three tries at the ball resulted in, ‘Reply hazy, try again,’ ‘Better not tell you now,’ and ‘Concentrate and ask again.’”

Further, he said, “Only much later in the game did FDR finally receive an affirmative answer of ‘Outlook good.’ Until then he was tortured by the fates who gave him the same trouble with old Zoltar and the cootie catcher, well that was no help.”

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One Response to Magic-8-Ball advises “Ask again later”

  1. Rubi says:

    You’re too young to have experienced any of the mentioned methods of decision making. It all comes down to re-election vs no re-election.

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