Federal regulations could soon put the kibosh on a number of innuendo-fueled school mascots which school boards nationally have recognized as double entendres likely to offend a variety of demographics and lifestyles.
A slew of schools including those whose mascots range from “The Panthers,” “The Chargers” and “The Bulldogs” — which Urban Dictionary defines as a young woman who seeks the company of an older man, a person who charges rather than pays cash putting him or herself rapidly into debt and a dirty old man who likes younger females, respectively — are on the list for consideration.
According to a release from the National School Board Association, should the schools not change their menacingly non-politically correct tunes by the Jan. 31 deadline, they will revert to the entirely-politically-correct-will-not-offend-anyone mascot of “The Tigers” which could only prove troublesome for young boys whose grandfathers often refer to them with nicknames of “tiger” or “sport.”
Earlier this week, the NSBA backed the Seton Hall Pirates in their decision to become the Seton Hall Sea Rovers in an effort to stop what has long been complaints from legitimate pirates that their livelihoods were being depicted as menacing.
“We just didn’t feel it was fair to the men who take to the seas in an effort to rape, pillage and plunder to make their profession out to be violent or something like that,” said Tom Blackthroat, who, though dressed in rags and sporting an eye patch, claimed to be the president of the NSBA. “Just look at the definition Urban Dictionary provides for ‘pirate.’ Is that really the kind of stereotype we want to put out there?”
According to Urban Dictionary, a pirate is “well versed in the arts of cheekiness, deceit, extortion, theft, blackmail, smarmery, and crazy acrobatic sword and/or knife fighting. The pirate always lands on his feet, and always wins, even when you think not. Naturally hates the ninja, as ninjas are overated far too serious for their own good.”
“See,” Blackthroat said, holding a sword to the neck of the shaking vice president. “Is that really OK?”
Also on the possible cut list is “Big Red” from the University of Arkansas, who the NSBA fears might offend tall redheads.