The GOP race for the 2012 presidency has begun to heat up as proponents for the late Ronald Reagan have thrown the former president’s name into the hat and polling has indicated that voters overwhelmingly prefer the dead man over any other current candidate.
Though the regeneration process has yet to be perfected, the voting public is clinging to the straightforward Republican ideology that surrounded the Reagan administration and is incredibly enthusiastic about the fact that for the last seven years the former California governor and U.S. president has managed to keep his hands clean of any political fighting, government overspending, bureaucratic doublespeak or public indiscretions involving love children.
Campaign Manager John Sears, speaking on behalf of the deceased president, announced to a charged crowd chanting the former president’s name over and over, that if elected Reagan will reinstate his era of lowered taxes, less governmental interference in daily lives, and an emphasis on state’s rights.
He also plans to take control of the War on Terrorism simply by utilizing his charming smile and smooth Illinoian lilt to halt all fighting among various factions in the Middle East, said Sears of what he is sure will be the 2012 Reagan administration.
Roger Tills, spokesperson for Reagan’s running mate, Chuck Norris, said should the former president’s tact not work in the war-torn Middle East, Norris will employ his own special skills in solving the matter.
Moments later Tills’ head exploded as Norris took the stand and told the audience that no one in existence is worthy of speaking for him.
Consequently, all White House communication, “when Reagan is elected,” will be completed by Norris, and Norris alone, who will work in both vice presidential and media relations capacities, Norris said.
Also, if elected, rumors are that Reagan will again take up his acting career where he has been pegged as the next to succeed Charlie Sheen after actor Ashton Kutcher last week succumbed to mental illness, declaring that unlike his predecessor, he is in fact, “losing.”