Nationwide politicians admit, “We don’t have a clue.”

Simultaneously, pigs flew and Hell froze over when politicians unabashedly told the truth to an aghast audience Wednesday morning that they have no idea how to fix the broken nation.

At a podium and under a sky filled with swine, President Barack Obama admitted that he might not know everything that will be entailed in repairing the debt crisis, aiding a rapidly failing public education system, soothing worry over social security, Medicare and Medicaid cuts, controlling global warming, correcting a flawed tax code, and putting an end to two and a half wars across seas, among other issues.

“I’ll admit it, none of us in Washington have the first clue about how we’re going to go about easing the troubles our nation has gotten itself into throughout the last several decades,” he said. “Yes, we’ve been playing around like kindergartners with the taxpayers’ hard-earned dollars, but isn’t that what politics is all about?”

A shocked audience stood in awe as those standing beside the president — Vice President Joe Biden, Speaker of the House John Boehner and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid — agreed that it’s “the teeniest, tiniest bit” possible they don’t know all the solutions to pull the United States out of the recessionary slump.

They shrugged their shoulders when asked if years of overspending put the nation’s credit card bill and checking account in the deep end.

They raised their hands in defeat when they couldn’t answer if raising the debt ceiling would truly keep the nation out of more financial debt or if they simply made it possible to borrow more money and come to the precipice of defaulting again in six months.

They shook their heads when the pleading masses begged to know if social security would be around much longer to care for their grandparents.

“We’ve been over this,” an exasperated Obama said. “We’re tired of playing this game, pretending like we know all.”

“Why are you putting this on our shoulders?” Reid whined. “Can’t we all just get along?”

Locally, Arkansas’ leaders put themselves on similar podiums — asphalt freezing below — and gave their own two cents, or lack thereof.

El Dorado Mayor Frank Hash and Union County Judge Mike Loftin were not available for comment.

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4 Responses to Nationwide politicians admit, “We don’t have a clue.”

  1. Sara says:

    Haha they finally admit the truth, so this is quasi-satire. Hash and Loftin were frozen to the asphalt and no one would help them up.

  2. The lone reader says:

    I’d have a lot more respect for the pols in DC if they would admit they were clueless. It isn’t like everyone doesn’t already know they are well in the clue debit column.

  3. Can crusher says:

    Unfortunately, they actually think that they do have the answers.

  4. The lone reader says:

    Noone should be allowed to run for public office if they have never…

    1. Run a business.
    2. Been unemployed
    3. Been an employee

    Being a lawyer should also disqualify canditates. It is a conflict of interest. Lawyers have a vested interest in there being more laws.

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