Further complications face Timberlane construction

Numerous setbacks including mounting construction costs on the 25-year-old South Timberlane project have just been compounded by the discovery that not only was the land built on a number of previously unknown oil wells, but also on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Citing the newest discovery, John Milam, owner of Milam Construction, which has been in charge of the road’s construction since the project began in 2008, explained that this is the reason the clay expands each time it gets wet.

“We’ve been working on digging out that clay for so long, we just never expected this was the reason for all the difficulties we’ve had laying down asphalt,” he said. “It’s a complete shock.”

The discovery was made during a concerted dig perpetuated by South Arkansas University Archeology Expert Jamie Brandon and Paranormal Studies and Afterlife Expert Willow Rain late last week.

Though the two suspected all along that there was a more specific reason for the clay’s stubborn movement, neither can agree on why the Indian burial ground would prove such a difficult area to widen a road, Brandon said.

“The clay obviously contains incredibly valuable artifacts from the early eighteenth century,” he said as he held up a diminutive clay pot that was removed from the ground Saturday morning.

Brandon continued, “So every time the earth gets wet following a deluge of rainfall, the openings are created directly above where the artifacts have been buried.”

Rain, however, disagrees completely.

“The fact is that these spirits are completely disgusted that their bodies are being defiled with the addition of new asphalt on their earthly resting home,” she said, lighting incense along Timberlane as she attempted to commune with the long-dead and buried Native Americans. “Their graves should not be marked with a manmade substance, but rather the Earth Mother’s clean dirt opened up to the glorious sun above.”

She added that the amount of money spent so far on construction alone — just shy of $1.1 million and approximately 49 percent above budget — has also possibly contributed to the spirits’ anger with the city of El Dorado.

“These people had no need of material goods,” Rain explained. “They were natural beings with the sole needs of food and shelter.”

Shaking his head, Brandon offered a disgruntled disagreement, saying he was happy the two had worked together to dig the site before the asphalt was laid, but couldn’t get on board with the idea that the spirits have been angered by the construction.

Not conceding, Brandon said it’s much more likely “that the ground is merely opening up with the artifacts buried deep in the Earth. Now all we have to do is dig them out.”

He also does not buy into the idea that actual bodies still remain beneath the ground next to the new El Dorado High School.

Conscious of the archeological necessity of preserving a part of the local history, but also the present monetary impact on the city, Milam said he and his workers would have to think long and hard before moving forward with the project.

“Each day we lag behind the deadline we lose $350,” he said. “But the history of El Dorado is far too important to destroy by laying a new layer of asphalt on it.”

A frazzled El Dorado Mayor Frank Hash couldn’t understand the fuss over the artifacts, as he riffled through bills, his glasses topped precariously on his head.

Hesitant to lay blame to anyone, Hash was baffled as to why the project wasn’t completed by the September 2009 deadline and couldn’t pinpoint why so many bills all seemed to be coming in at once.

“I’m just the new guy, this is all completely foreign to me,” he said. “But if we can just get Timberlane out of the way and done we can move onto a number of various other projects we’ve been working on completing.”

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13 Responses to Further complications face Timberlane construction

  1. James says:

    I wonder what would happen if I buried my cat there.

  2. Admin says:

    That would create a $10,000 excavation fee to be completed by Milam Construction on top of further inquisition by Rain as to whether the cat’s spirit and the Native American spirits could exist in perpetual harmony together.

  3. KC says:

    I found an old Pabst Blue Ribbon can in my backyard, I need a grant to excavate and investigate, it could be an ancient Redneck burial ground.

  4. Admin says:

    I say bring it before the El Dorado Chamber of Commerce and South Arkansas Community College. The excavation will undoubtedly require bringing a crew into El Dorado and should be of interest to the college which I’m sure will gladly study the beer cans, rifles and deer pelts found deep below the surface of your backyard. Oh, and if you find a few gold teeth, sell them (apparently gold is worth a fortune right now).

  5. The lone reader says:

    This would be funny if there wasn’t a reasonably good chance that you will actually have to write that story before they are finished.

  6. AFM says:

    Once again you had me up until the incense burning ;)

  7. Admin says:

    It would hopefully be the last in a series of missteps in the Timberlane project if an Indian burial ground is found.

    Personally, that was my favorite part, AFM. :)

  8. Jim Lemon says:

    Someone watches the onion news network. I bet cha.

  9. AFM says:

    I was really interested in the article since a section just up from Mel’s Seafood (that was just paved with new asphalt at the end of last week) buckled up badly. Today crews were digging up the ‘new’ asphalt in the area and repairing it. Who knows, maybe there is some truth to this satire ;)

  10. J Randal Harvey says:

    So, we are back to what will be finished first: EHS or Timberlane street?

  11. Admin says:

    Well, on the bright side, at least people are reading.

  12. Can crusher says:

    I’m new to this area, where I’m from they build nice new streets then tear them up to put in new sewer systems. It creates more jobs. Ms. Rain sounds kinda goofy, sort of like the “alone reader”, but differences makes the world a more interesting place.

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