Combating concerns that his Congo birth would signify his ineligibility to effectively hold the position of chief executive officer and president of the El Dorado Chamber of Commerce, Henry Florsheim met with reporters today to officially release his birth certificate.
Showing that he was born to parents working in the Congo on various environmental and humanitarian projects on a visa, Florsheim explained that he is in fact a U.S. citizen and therefore more than eligible to run El Dorado’s economic branch.
“Economic development and the prosperity of El Dorado are my number one concern,” he told the community during a press conference. “But I can’t do my job properly if I’m getting constantly questioned about my birth overseas.”
He continued, “If we want El Dorado to rise out of the slump it’s been in, we need to start focusing on the positives of the community, rather than attacking those spearheading the effort to expand existing businesses and bring about new ones.”
Brandishing the birth certificate, Florsheim — birth name “Henry Elohim Vespasien Florsheim” — walked reporters step by step through the various information it contains.
However, questions arose among the audience concerning first the smudged doctor’s signature.
“How can we really believe this doctor was the one to have delivered Florsheim?” one asked. “It looks like someone smeared ink right across the signature line. It was in the Congo, how do we know he was actually delivered?”
Flabbergasted, Florsheim pointed out, “Well I’m standing right here, aren’t I? Obviously you can’t dispute my birth!”
The missing address for his mother was also a point of contention among the El Dorado coalition of birthers who claim the certificate to be either a forgery or invalid based on the omission.
“A real birth certificate would be completely filled out!” one yelled out during the meeting.
Other issues brought to the table included the double middle name, and despite Florsheim’s attempts to explain his namesakes as Congolese men his parents worked with, he was interrupted as birthers shouted their concerns.
“Elohim?!” one asked. “There’s no way he’s American!”
Standing at his side, El Dorado Mayor Frank Hash asked if there was any way to keep the arguments under wraps until Florsheim could have the doctor and his namesakes fly to El Dorado and explain the Chamber leader’s origins for themselves.
“I think that’s going to be the only way we’re all around happy,” he said. “We’ve tried to work a gentleman’s agreement with the members of the birther movement, but they want action and they want it now.”