Contention surrounds Florsheim birth certification

Combating concerns that his Congo birth would signify his ineligibility to effectively hold the position of chief executive officer and president of the El Dorado Chamber of Commerce, Henry Florsheim met with reporters today to officially release his birth certificate.

Showing that he was born to parents working in the Congo on various environmental and humanitarian projects on a visa, Florsheim explained that he is in fact a U.S. citizen and therefore more than eligible to run El Dorado’s economic branch.

“Economic development and the prosperity of El Dorado are my number one concern,” he told the community during a press conference. “But I can’t do my job properly if I’m getting constantly questioned about my birth overseas.”

He continued, “If we want El Dorado to rise out of the slump it’s been in, we need to start focusing on the positives of the community, rather than attacking those spearheading the effort to expand existing businesses and bring about new ones.”

Brandishing the birth certificate, Florsheim — birth name “Henry Elohim Vespasien Florsheim” — walked reporters step by step through the various information it contains.

However, questions arose among the audience concerning first the smudged doctor’s signature.

“How can we really believe this doctor was the one to have delivered Florsheim?” one asked. “It looks like someone smeared ink right across the signature line. It was in the Congo, how do we know he was actually delivered?”

Flabbergasted, Florsheim pointed out, “Well I’m standing right here, aren’t I? Obviously you can’t dispute my birth!”

The missing address for his mother was also a point of contention among the El Dorado coalition of birthers who claim the certificate to be either a forgery or invalid based on the omission.

“A real birth certificate would be completely filled out!” one yelled out during the meeting.

Other issues brought to the table included the double middle name, and despite Florsheim’s attempts to explain his namesakes as Congolese men his parents worked with, he was interrupted as birthers shouted their concerns.

“Elohim?!” one asked. “There’s no way he’s American!”

Standing at his side, El Dorado Mayor Frank Hash asked if there was any way to keep the arguments under wraps until Florsheim could have the doctor and his namesakes fly to El Dorado and explain the Chamber leader’s origins for themselves.

“I think that’s going to be the only way we’re all around happy,” he said. “We’ve tried to work a gentleman’s agreement with the members of the birther movement, but they want action and they want it now.”

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7 Responses to Contention surrounds Florsheim birth certification

  1. Mike says:

    I thought a stork brought him?

  2. James says:

    There were two different questions regarding Obama’s birth certificate. It is pretty un-American of anyone to question his citizenship. If there was a valid concern, you can bet McCain would have been all over it. Nobody in Congress questioned his citizenship and that should have been enough for everyone.

    The problem was that Obama worked his tail off to keep the proof hidden. He created the Barbara Streisand effect all by himself. McCain’s citizenship was questioned when he ran since he was born in Panama. His response was to have it investigated so everyone would know whether or not he really was eligible to be President. If Obama had done the same thing, none of this birther crap would have ever happened.

    So if you want to make fun of people who questioned his citizenship and eligibility they by all means go ahead, but you must also fault Obama, the man who falsely promised transparency, for working so hard to prevent anyone from answering the questions asked.

    Barbara Streisand Effect explained here:

  3. Admin says:

    Very eloquently explained, I’d never heard of the “Streisand Effect” and agree that it applies in Obama’s case as well.

  4. Melissa says:

    Why should someone who is a US citizen prove he is a US citizen? This is so stupid. If he was 100% “white” no one would have said he was not American. It is racist.

  5. J. Randal Harvey says:

    Melissa please. Not everything pertaining to wanting the truth makes it racist. If an American questions the validity of the President’s birth place and the President is unwilling to make it clear, it does not become “racist” by default.
    The “card” has been way over used.

  6. ArVet says:

    Melissa – jump at that race card (makes me sick)

  7. James says:

    I guess since Whoopie pulled the race card on TV it’s all of a sudden okay now. Too bad it doesn’t do anything but make the card puller look very ignorant of the facts.

    Melissa, if you’d read the comments above, you would have seen that McCain had the same thing happen to him. I guess the only reason people questioned McCain’s citizenship is because they’re racist against white people.

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