Between Editions

Former Arkansas First Lady Janet Huckabee consoles her husband, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, after he allegedly stole Big Mac sandwiches from patrons at a Little Rock McDonald’s restaurant.

LITTLE ROCK — Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who has championed weight loss over the past four years after shedding more than 100 pounds, confused and angered many patrons at a Little Rock McDonald’s Wednesday morning after he allegedly “snatched and grabbed Big Mac after Big Mac from customers’ hands,” according to store manager Jim Latrell.

After the incident, Latrell said Arkansas State Troopers quickly whisked Huckabee out of the store, located on Broadway in downtown Little Rock, and into a limousine.

Calls to the former governor’s Little Rock office were unreturned Wednesday.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Latrell, who has been manager at the Broadway McDonald’s since January. “He had this wild look in his eyes, and he just kept saying, ‘I’m the Hamburglar, I want meat, I want meat.’”

The “Hamburglar” is one of several mythical characters created by McDonald’s to market food to children.

According to witnesses, Huckabee had been jogging down Broadway when he was spotted running toward the Broadway McDonald’s, which he entered with the state trooper and his wife, Janet Huckabee.

Harold Watkins, one of the governor’s alleged victims, said Huckabee immediately ran toward him, knocking him down and reaching for his recently purchased Big Mac. “He said to me, ‘I’m the Hamburglar, this Big Mac is mine now! I used to run this state!’” Watkins said. “Of course I let him have it. He was the governor, and he looked mighty hungry.”

Before Huckabee left the scene, his wife wrapped him up in what she called “his favorite blanket” and consoled him, according to witnesses.

Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe said after Huckabee’s outburst that he was “embarrassed” for Huckabee and for the entire state of Arkansas. Beebe said that all of the state’s McDonald’s restaurants should “refrain from serving” the former governor.

“It’s despicable for a former head of state to behave this way in a restaurant,” Beebe said. “We all get hungry, heck, I’ve even cut in line before to get my number four quarter pounder with cheese, but to knock someone down. To actually knock them down and take their food away from them. That just isn’t being a true Arkansan. Besides that, if anyone in this state is going to be the Hamburglar, it’s going to be me.”

Noted Little Rock psychologist R. Aaron Wilde III said that he found it “very interesting” that Huckabee would pick the Hamburglar to be his alter ego, as opposed to, say, Grimace, the large purple thing, or the cheerful Ronald McDonald.

“I think it definitely speaks to his time in the governor’s office,” Wilde said. “Perhaps he is having flashbacks or regrets about something he did wrong while in office. Or, he could have just been hungrier than a mule on plow day.”

McDonald’s restaurants have reportedly sent 12 Big Mac’s to Huckabee’s North Little Rock home.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 at 6:22 pm and is filed under By John Worthen, Satire Wednesday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.